How to Poop Quietly: 9 Different Ways

Last updated: February 11, 2022 at 11:20 am

Let’s face it; pooping is no pleasant subject. But if you feel like letting out a thunderous trumpet on the water closet someday, you won’t be the only one. Many of us feel embarrassed that we are making too much noise when using the bathroom. It’s embarrassing because we feel like everyone can hear us at times.

• Can people hear me poop?
• Who cares if they can or not?

There is nothing wrong with that for some people, but for us who do care about how quiet we can be while taking a dump, here are 9 tips to poop quietly in public.

Why You Should Poop Quietly

There are times in your life when you may have to poop, but you have to make sure you are going to poop quietly. Think of a situation where that could be important?.

Let me remind you:

Ever had a roommate who let out a scream while on the toilet? If you have, you know how awkward it is. You can’t help but wonder what they are doing there and if they’re okay.

Moreover, it’s really important to poop quietly and efficiently while in a shared living space. Not only is it gross to hear your roommate on the toilet, but it’s also awkward if they’re taking too long and you need to go.

There are many other situations reasons why you might need to go about your pooping in a top-secret “CIA” way:

• You live with other people who may not appreciate your bathroom activities.
• When you’re on vacation, there may not be a private bathroom available — or it may be in a very public location.
• Trying to sleep in the same room with a noisy partner or roommate? Or maybe you’re at the library or the movies and don’t want to disturb anyone around you.
• Maybe you’re on a date (or not) and don’t want your date to be grossed out by the sound of your poop. Or if you have kids, maybe they’re trying to take a nap, and you don’t want them to wake up and know that daddy just made some stinky poo!
• You have neighbors who do not appreciate noisy bathroom activities.
• When you’re at work, there may not be a private bathroom available — or it may be in a very public location.

If any of these scenarios sound familiar, it is time to learn how to poop quietly with some tips.

9 Tips on How to Poop Quietly

Chances are, the loudness of your toilet activities may affect more people than you realize. Whether avoiding attention is how you keep your job, or if you simply don’t want to disturb others in the same room, in the next few minutes, you will learn to poop quietly when you’re in a public bathroom stall or even when you are at home with partners or friends.

1. Make Some Other Noise

Sometimes there is nothing you can do about how loud your poop comes out. It just happens, and that is alright. But since you already know how loud it might sound, you can bury the sound with other noise.

Music helps. Singing in the loo might not be the healthiest option, but no one would fault you for playing your favorite song while going number two. The best part is that you can increase the volume to overwhelm your plopping, and if the song is good enough, people outside the stall will hum along.

Some people would advise you to cough very loudly every time you plop. Please don’t. Even if you time the cough and the plop perfectly, there is no guarantee that you would cough loud enough to cover the plop.

Then, there is the option of flushing frequently. It is quite an overkill, but it works. The e-flat note of most flushing toilets is loud enough to cover the sound of your plop. We know it is wasteful and can be pretty embarrassing when people hear you flush three or four times, but it works.

2. Close the door

This is one of the easiest ways to mute out plopping sound. It is almost conventional to keep the toilet door closed when going number two, so there is no risk of embarrassment. If you are using public facilities with main doors and individual stall doors, it is alright to close the main door; that way, you have two doors sieving the sound.

3. Be Clever in Your Toilet Stall Choice

Public toilets give you the option of multiple stalls, and you can always select a stall that reduces your plopping sound – the farthest stall. The farther the stall is from other people, the farther your plopping would sound to them.

This option may not work so well if there are only two or three stalls, but being away from other people always helps to sieve how your sound reaches them.

4. Prevent the Plopping with Tissue Paper

Using tissue paper is one of the safest and healthiest ways to manage your plopping sound. Lay a couple of tissue papers in the bowl and let them manage the sound while you go about your business.

Since they are absorbent, Tissue papers will sink easily without making any mess in the bowl after you have flushed them.

5. Aim the Sidewall of the Toilet Bowl

We would rather not talk about this, but it works. Aiming for the sidewall reduces how quickly and loudly the poop plops. You may have to do a lot of cleaning and flushing afterward, but fitting tissue papers in the bowl will be tidier.

6. Control the Speed

Plopping sound often comes from how you poop, and slowing it down could help. The general way to control the speed is to strain as you go, but it can be easier. Drink some water before you head for the toilet. This would make it easier for you to relieve yourself.

7. Don’t Consume High Amounts of Dairy

It is true that you are not lactose intolerant and don’t have any allergies, but dairy has a lot of effect on how we poop. Too much dairy could make you spend more time in the loo than you usually would, or in this case, cause you to make more sound than you would like to.

Reducing the number of dairy products you consume could manage how loudly you go about your number two.

8. Relax Before Letting it Out

That’s the advice of several gastroenterologists who are familiar with this problem. They say that rushing creates an uncomfortable pressure in your rectum, which makes a loud banging sound when you try to expel feces. The solution is to relax and let nature take its course. That also gives the muscles in your bowels time to work slowly and carefully, which means less noise.

A good way to poop in a toilet is to sit down on the pot and relax. You can do this by taking a deep breath, holding it for 10-15 seconds, and then slowly exhaling through your mouth. This will help your poop come out slow instead of bashing the toilet seat with a plopping bang sound.

You should not be desperate to get your poop out. If you are, it will make you tenser and will make the situation worse. Instead, try to relax before getting it out.

Relaxing your body can help you poop better. Some people like to have a glass of water before pooping. This is because water helps you make more pee and poop when you’re trying to go to the bathroom. Also, don’t hold your breath while relaxing at the potty. Breath in and out through your nose slowly and quietly so you can relax better.

Related: How to Stop a Fart From Making Noise

9. Try to Time Your Visit

Hey, if you need to go, you have to go. But you can manage how that happens. There is no need to worry about plopping too loudly when no one is around to hear you. You can make this happen by going to the toilet before others arrive or holding it down till you are alone.

Holding it down is generally bad for your bladder, so we recommend that you make sure you sort yourself before it becomes too bad. Your best bet is still to do your business before your roommates or partners wake, before your colleagues arrive at the office, before you go on that date or when there is no one else in the public facility.

It is a tough call, but it works.

Final Thought

There you have it. You can finally go number two without feeling like you are disturbing the entire neighborhood. Some of these tips are easier and tidier than the others, so we recommend that you only do what works for you.

You should also know that there is no shame in going loudly. Everyone does it sometimes, even that prima ballerina you think doesn’t ever go number two.