Last updated: July 2, 2021 at 12:40 pm
Let’s talk about what you can do to get revenge on noisy neighbours. That might sound a bit confrontational, but our homes are supposed to be our sanctuaries… a place be can escape the stress, hustle, and bustle of daily life.
In this article:
We’ll run through 13 (harmless) ways to get revenge on your noisy neighbours, some more practical than others. Before we get to some suggestions however, here are some points to consider.
Points to Consider
- How often is this neighbour noisy?
With the best will in the world, everyone makes noise sometimes. It could be an argument between family members, a new patio or extension being built, or even a new pet that makes noise while settling in. Assuming your neighbours are normally very friendly and don’t cause noise issues then maybe you could let it go in the name of maintaining a good relationship. If the noise happens too frequently for you to put up with then consider having a friendly chat before taking action.
- What time of day or night is the noise?
If the noise is mostly through the day then, again, do you want to potentially create problems with otherwise good neighbours over it. If it’s at night, and it’s preventing you from sleeping, that’s another matter.
- How loud is it?
Is it noise from voices, the tv, or music that you can hear but only faintly? If so then having a chat and asking your neighbours to be a little quieter may be enough. If the music is deafening, the dog barking loudly, or you can hear every word your neighbours are saying then this is something you’ll have to deal with.
It is a legal requirement to disclose any disputes you have with your neighbours when the time comes to sell your house. This can and does have an impact on how easy it is to sell, and also the price. Think how far you want to take things before you begin.
When Is Revenge Appropriate?
That’s a decision everyone must make for themselves. If the noise is having a real impact on your enjoyment of your home, and conversations with your neighbours have had no effect then it may be time to take more direct action. Obviously, the ideas below are not your only options.
If your neighbours rent their home then a quiet word with their landlord could do the trick. You can also involve the anti-social behaviour wing of the council, but that’s a lengthy process including a lot of record keeping by you before any action is taken. Think months, if not years. If all that fails, and you’re ready for some payback, read on!
13 Harmless (and Silly) Ways for Noisy Neighbour Revenge
1. Do some housework
There are a lot of things that need to be done in the home that make a lot of noise. Most of us are considerate enough to do it in the middle of the day when it won’t disturb anyone. If your neighbours like to sleep late though, or take a nap in the middle of the day, that’s the perfect time to get out the hoover, the lawnmower, or the leaf-blower. The noisier the better! Or maybe you can finally reorganise your bedroom. The banging and grinding of heavy furniture being moved is pretty effective. If you’re working outside, and they come out be sure to give them a cheery smile and wave!
2. Play your music loud
Assuming their music is blasting out then indulge in a little tit-for-tat. If they’re into thrash rock, counter it with some classical music. If they love dance music try some country and western. Try and figure out what will annoy them most and go with it. For bonus points, if you can tell when they’re having a little bit of “special” time then get it blasting.
3. Learn to play an instrument
If you’ve always had a hankering to learn the violin (so screechy!), the drums, or the tuba then go for it. The fact that you’ll likely be horrible to start with will work beautifully to get your point across. If you’re not musically inclined then get a karaoke machine and belt out your favourite hits. Maybe even stretch yourself and try some opera. Give yourself a bonus if you can hold the long notes.
4. Use your kids
There are SO many options here! Let them run around the house with their shoes on, early in the morning. Get a bouncy castle, and invite ALL the neighbourhood kids. Let them bounce and scream all day right next to your neighbour’s fence. Buy them a football goal, or a basketball hoop and let the bouncing of a heavy ball drive your noisy neighbours crazy.
5. Embrace your inner child and go nuts on their doorbell
As long as they don’t have a video doorbell or security cameras then ring the bell and disappear. Do it multiple times a day at different times. Leave it a day or two so they thing it’s stopped and do it again. If they love the footy, put it on and when it’s getting exciting go press that bell. Every time that it looks like someone might score ring it again. It should make them crazy and you happy.
6. Leave something that will stink near their windows
It could be rotten eggs, prawns, or chicken that’s gone off. Tuck scraps of chicken into plant pots, a few prawns in hanging basket. The closer you can get these items to windows or vent blocks the better.
7. Have a party, a loud one
It’s a perfect way to get your own back. In the summer, you could make it a barbecue instead. That will add smoke and the sound of kids playing to the mix. Make sure you start it early in the afternoon and that it goes on all evening. You could even pair it with option one and do your lawn mowing and hedge trimming earlier in the day to get your garden ready for guests.
8. Make sure your dogs are getting plenty of exercise
Play fetch with them nice and early in the garden. The more excited the get and the more they bark the better. In the evening, covertly throw a ball around in your house and your neighbours can enjoy the thundering sound as they run around after it.
9. Use leftover food
Hide bits of leftover food near their home and see what inspects or vermin you can attract. Ants are a safe bet in most areas of the world.
If you’re feeling particularly vindictive, and you know they hate spiders, you could scoop up any you find in, or around, your home and quietly place them near windows or doorframes on your neighbour’s property.
Subscribe to as many embarrassing catalogues and newsletter as you can…haemorrhoids, sexual dysfunction, male pattern baldness, a kinky sex catalogue…seriously just go nuts. They’ll never be able to look the postman in the eye again. The works even better if you live in a block of flats and there’s a communal mail area.
12. Treat them with kindness
Make them a treat, bring it round and tell them you want to bury the hatchet and work out the noise problem. ONLY do this if you’re sure they’re going to be dicks about it. Lace the brownies, cake or traybake with laxatives. Have a small amount yourself so they don’t get suspicious and possibly take some Imodium in advance. The neighbours will be too busy running to the loo to bother you.
Many people still don’t secure their Wi-Fi password. If your neighbours are one of them, log into their router’s control panel and change the password. They’ll get it sorted eventually but it will take time and effort.
A Final Thought
It’s understandable to want to get revenge when someone disturbs your peace and quiet. It’s even worse when they know they’re doing it and simply don’t care. However, in trying to fight them please be careful not to become the thing you hate. It’s unlikely it’s just you and your neighbour with no one else around for miles. Don’t become the person responsible for making your other neighbours lives a living hell.
They’ve done nothing but be good neighbours to you after all. You could talk to them and see if they want to be involved because the noise is likely to be bothering them too. Or at the very least invite them to the bouncy castle day, barbecue, or party. You won’t be annoying them if they’re having a good time. As for your problem neighbour, good hunting!